my first love ♥ and the baka guy

my first love happened when I was 2nd yr highschool (note: I am a 3r yr) he was a transferry guy and he liked me first and the time I liked him, but in that time I was late .. VERY late , but I have no chance to say my real feelings about him, he's the first guy who told me i'm beautiful. Now he's still my classmate and we're ignoring each other like ordinary, i'm still bitter even it's been a year he's so UNFAIR,

TO you.

    you ! I love you okay ,,, I hope you would love me again, i'm not desperate, I MISS you ok ?? that's so unfair leaving me for a year. I KNOW you love her, I'm sorry, it's just that every smile you make, every laugh you do, I always notice and all you do is ignore me ? leche ! =.= damn I HATE IT. isn't it enough that I like you more than yamada and keikei ?? baka baka...

    with ♥ from ME

that baka guy is really sweet talker, he said i'm an important person but what happened now ! he even confessed to me ! he's so baka mysterious guy, UWAAAAAAAAAAAA ~ i'm so stupid but I realize I was a good friend, IF I didn't tell my friend that he was two timing us, they wouldn't be together now =.= 

TO baka guy

        X( ne~ you said you like me ,,, why did you still choose her? you made me smile, I love you, but I hate it ! you were bitter to me , you don't talk to me anymore, something wrong?? tell me, I seriously LOVED you, this is STUPID, you are funny, cool, look like yamada. but the most baka i've ever met. DAMN you ! TALK TO ME ,, I miss you!!! B A D

 from ME

= = =

In my personal life, they are the only two persons I loved the most (GUY) weird me, many people confessed to me but I still chose him, so stupid 

Random thought

I really got it already ^_^ i mean I can accept 95% that I can't get married with them ne ~ that's great I think, so that we won;t expect anymore right ? no more high expectations, I'm not trying to be cool but I sometimes think I already had enough, they are IDOLS, too much for me, but I still want to an AKB48 and that's the only thing that cannot change my mind, I WANT TO BE AN AKB. But marrying your ichiban/bias will be slight or REALLY impossible, sometimes we should face the reality, but if only I can marry a fictional character like anime LOL ,,, i'm already married hahah... I love them xDD but the rest 5%, I believe, in fanfics only >.< it's really funny but true dakara dakara please be kind to me ne~ chuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu

it;s my beloved keikei though =,= i will love you forever bb
and of course my yamada too ;A;

guys, even though we're not gonna b with each other, forever I know that we are meant to love each other :P 

Ah.. Etoo... souka EHHHHHHHHHHH??

right right right > < remember the Jpop contest ? we were accepted ... Of course i'm happy, I was surprised 0.0

I really don't know what to react dakedo hontouni ureshii desu *.* it was REALLY great. When I saw the name of our group, I started shaking and run to the phone and called my groupmates, the first person I called was tine, and she said she doesn't like it because we'll be having this field demo in october and the contest will be in november , it's hard yo! X(  doushiyo? but my other groupmates would love to participate to the contest, it's late to back out right? but from the start I did wish that we wont be accepted in this contest,, we're still amateurs though. nae~ doshiyou?? >< tasuketeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee~

come on ~ it's chibi yabuuuu ~ 

play, pause, stop

ok ~ my life is like a sandwich, really hard yo ~ i'll tell it.

      We're gonna join a contest here in our country (a Jfest) and yeah,, the contestants will be first come first serve ,,, not an audition, and we have group (w/ my friends) all of us are fangirls, 2 are my friends, one is my cousin and the other one is my classmate~ all of us get along, I always see the two (my cousin and my classmate) because the other two live far away, and I was like everyones connection, it's really  hard, my classmate and my cousin are the people you can call bossy, have their own perspective, impatient, know what I mean ? and they make decisions and I just follow, ofcourse

but the problem is, they have different opinions like the one wants to have choreographer but the other one don't want to spend money, then ! the costume the one already made a picture for the costume but the other one is gonna still make~ they're irritating >.< i'm like a filling that is squished in a two sandwich, why don't you two talk ?? i'll leave you two >,< i'm a person too you know ! :I  

this is hard

I love you ... got a problem ? well other may say i'm over reacting but, it's not my fault,it's my feelings >.< don't worry i hate it too ~

Who am I saying it to? the japanese baka guy or that yamada buta ryosuke?? 

I hate everyone right now ><  

gommen ;_;

serious case

ok.. TIME UP !!! I really want to get thing out of my chest *sigh* you see, i'm inlove with yamada right? and he's getting more handsome than ever ;A; and other people is recognizing him and wants him, look at his picture his hideous !!

see?? =.= and for this, i'm hating him (a little) it's not because of his appearance, well maybe! I remembered, I hate muscle guys , well but it's just a minor problem but the main is.. why the heck many people like him SO much? everyday, there is a fangirl of him... I don't hate it , I just... don't like it ><

And since i'm thinking of a way to get out of this problem, i'm needing a new bias for sure, I thought of going back to aiba my love but I remembered, there are more girls who likes him and his age... TOO old?  but I love him itsumademo ♥ Then I saw inoo kei ~ he's so like perfect for my new bias, I mean he has the fewest fans in JUMP then he's cute, he looks like a girl (i like girls) and he looks like a nice guy nae~ :3

Now this is the case ... I want kei but I love yamada, it's not easy to change a bias you know,,it's hard, I can't give up something I value for a long time (well it's just a short time it's just 1 yr) but still.. yamada is someone, well it's his fault though.  kei is originally my niban and if he becomes my no.1, yamada is finish, he will be in my last rank , well because he has no place anymore . Kei ~ daisu...I cant even continue it because i'm still not sure, well they don't even care right ? what so serious about this ? =.= they don't even know me,, but it's ok, i'm just a fan, my love for them is just an idol to a fan ... I hate that fact but it's better than to have too much expectations ne~ ^^ 

busy as ant

riggghhttt~ so now we'll have periodical test this week and it's SERIOUSLY annoying,, we have to memorize the periodic table in our chemistry baka baka baka baka >< it's ok to memorize, but why do we have to memorize it's atomic number? and it's mass number? are we gonna use it in future?

i hate it, then in geometry, I can't understand a single thing (a little maybe) ... I hate angles they are so not important to me, aren't they? how can I use it ? i'm not going to be an engineer... because my dreams is way too far from angles, i'm not dreaming myself computing what angles connect in "x" , i wanna be an akb member not a boring nerdy life, know what I mean? of course you do. tsss.. then the teacher will say, ''that's a basic math problem", WHAT ? basic math problem ?? no way. come on people it's not my fault i hate math, it's the subject has the problem on it's own 

Last one, in our history class, what's the point in learning old stuff? I mean does these people knows me? do they know my story too? do they know my past? why do I have to study it? i can live with the present, and can past change my future when i'm already living in the present, it's like a yesterday that can't be back because tomorrow is still waiting, get it ???

.

now what?

now that I say what's on my mind, i'll give advantages, ne~ I realize when your really want something, you'll do everything, eventhough you know it'll make you crazy, This school year, I feel I want to pass, to have better grades that's why i have to sacrifice... cool right? i want to make importance of everything(though i can't be the best for myself), i want to be responsible. My family is having financial problems and we still haven't paid my school, i'm the only one who is studying in a private school the reason i'm studying hard. I want to help my parents i'm the first child and since next school year i'm gonna graduate, i don't want to end my highschool life. aaaaa~ time is so fast ne~

but don't worry i'm enjoying because i have this FRIENDS